With that in mind…

Over the last few years, I’ve come to a place of understanding about the “best” way to place an order at a fast food drive-thru. You probably consider this a rather simple task, and it should be. But consider the following:

Your average fast-food employee wasn’t necessarily chosen for their job due to their “attention to detail” and multitasking potential. Now sure, plenty of them are good at it, but plenty of them aren’t as well. This is compounded by the fact that the options for your average combo meal at a fast food place have been on the rise lately.

Let’s consider a combo meal at Wendy’s. Here are all the options that have to be determined:

- Combo meal number.
- Combo meal option (i.e. cheese or not, spicy or homestyle sandwich).
- Combo meal size.
- Combo meal drink choice.
- Combo meal side choice (fries, potato, salad).

So that’s 5 items that need to be decided, and I’m willing to bet those 5 options have to be inputted in to a computer in a very specific order.

So let’s say I pull up to the drive thru, and say the following:

“lemme get a number 8 with coke, garden salad, no tomatoes on the sandwich, oh, make that a large coke.”

Assuming the options have to be put in the computer in the order listed above, I am of the opinion that as soon as you say something that diverges from the next option their computer wants them to enter, about 50% of order-takers stop listening to what you say, and wait till you finish talking so they can back you up to ask about the option you need answering.

So let’s let that last order play out:

me:“lemme get a number 8 with coke, garden salad, no tomatoes on the sandwich, oh, make that a large coke.” ** (but all they heard was lemme get a number 8, blah blah blah blah blah).
them:ok would you like that spicy or homestyle?
me: spicy
them: and what size combo?
me: (slightly agitated cause I already said large): uh, large
them: and what to drink?
me: coke.
them: and what side?
me: (more agitated) garden salad.
them: alright, your total is 6.92.

So basically, I had to answer all the questions again. And they didn’t hear me say I wanted no tomatoes. Now, of course there are some folks who can take in all the details and sort them out, and enter it all properly. But some can’t.

So What To Do About All This

The picture painted above may seem alittle over-dramatic and making a big deal out of something simple. And I would have to agree. But I told you that going in to it!

What I do about it, is simple: try and spit my order out in the order that the computer wants to know it. How do I know the order? Well, I don’t really, but I did work at Fazoli’s when I was 15/16, so I do have a basic understanding of what would be required. Here’s an example, for what I often get at Chick-Fil-A. It was based on what questions I continually get asked about:

“I’ll have a number 6, caesar wrap, caesar dressing, value sized, with lemonade, to go.”

That usually works pretty well. Before I said it in that order, they would ask me what dressing as soon as I finished talking (which is an odd question if you ask me, obviously if I’m getting a caesar wrap, I’m having caesar dressing, but I digress).

Alright, I think I’ve worn this topic out far too much. Any input, even if it’s an expression of an excessive amount of time on my hands is welcome.

Suffice to say, this is waaay too much stuff. Especially since I’m considering ressurecting the Eric once-a-day photosteam, which would require carrying yet another bulky item, a camera.

So I did some research, and here’s my sekrit plans for pocket domination:

• 1. Wallet -First of all, it’s a 3-fold wallet with exactly 14 pockets and crevices for putting… well, I’m not sure what. It has a coin purse, two see-thru pockets, 2 areas for monies, and 2 secret compartments. This is vast overkill. Currently, I carry at most 40$, and the cards shown in the top picture (license, car insurance, medical insurance, 1 credit card, 1 debit card).
  Solution for Wallet (generalized) - Less cards, less scraps of paper, less discount cards. If you can significantly reduce the number, move to a smaller wallet.
  Solution for Wallet (for me) -(courtesy of the evar-useful mr. d10) – The Slimmy, and it’s smaller cuz, the SlimSlimmy, for the minimalist. Their marketing is elite:

  

• 2. Phone(s) -Ugh. This is definitely the biggest problem area. The main issue is that I have to carry two phones, one for my personal number, and one for my work phone. I would happily just leave my work phone in my laptop bag… but sadly, I have to go on call every 2 or 3 weeks, and have the Treo on me 24/7.

  Solution(s) to Phone Issues (generalized) – Not sure anyone really has an issue with phones. Obviously a smaller, thinner phone is better. Or, if you do carry multiple phones, the phone that can roll with two SIM cards simultaneously is becoming a reality.
  Solution(s) to Phone Issues (for me) – Ideally, I’d have one phone that could carry and access two SIM cards simultaneously, which I had assumed didn’t exist… but some quick googling found… these!

  - Samsung D880 DuoS
  - HKC G1000 Dual SIM Phone with Windows Mobile 6

  Sadly, these lovely phones run about 3 to 400 dollas each, so thats pretty much out of my price range. More likely, I’ll replace the Treo with a much skinnier Blackberry Curve, and keep the Nokia, as it rox long-time.

• 3. [What the] Keys - Ugh. The metal thorn in my side. Several times while writing this diatribe I’ve looked over my keys and tried to remove some useless key or accessory from it… but its all fail. The only thing I could remove is that little grey plastic thingie that’s at the bottom, and leave it in my car.
  Solution for Keys (generalized)- One strategy seems to be the way to go… try and determine which keys you don’t use at least once a month, and leave those keys in your car. This is assuming you will be near your car during those rare times you do need them.

  Solution for Keys (for me)- meh. got nothing. I’ve already pulled off anything I don’t use at least once a month.

That’s all for now folks. I’d like to take a moment to congratulate myself on not making a single, “is that a ____ in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me” joke this entire post. Thank you, thank you very much, self.

So yeah, saw Click last night with zee wifey. Wasn’t expecting alot from it, I mean the plot seems pretty predictable: Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) somehow receives a remote control that works on anything in the world… hilarity ensues. Seems simple enough. As expected, pausing someone and kicking them in their unit is an expected and required part of such a plot.

The movie starts out light-hearted, with David Hasselhoff being Sandler’s boss, and Kate Beckinsdale his wife. He’s got alot of problems, mainly revolving around juggling his home and work responsibilities. One night, particularly frustuated, he (in an entertaining series of events) ends up receiving a remote control that will work on anything in his world. He can pause people, fast forward through anything, watch any previous part of his life, etc.

Seems harmless enough, but somewhere about halfway through, the movie becomes less like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore and a whole lot more like It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m won’t spoil it, suffice to say that the remote control is much more of a curse than a blessing.

In any case, if you can put up with some language, some crude humor as is typical Mr. Sandler’s career… I highly recommend this movie.

FL: Wow. – This funny link is good stuff, because I got a voicemail about it. Here’s what the voicemail said: “the link I sent you is about a spray on latex condom… apparently it takes 5 seconds… you, you know… you get your, thingie… up there, and you take this little doohickie and you… spray on the condom.” Awesome.

Together, they form awesomeness. H and I have burned through this particular tea like crazy, and plan to go back to the sto’ and get some more tonight. It’s quite awesome. If you live around the A, drop a line and I’ll fix you up some, cause its the leetsauce.

FL: Real men devote their lives to shrinking coins with magnetic fields – do you do anything this cool?

That’s right, Happy Feet. You know you’re gonna be in for a cinematic masterpiece when the plot goes something like: a penguin gets rejected by his society because he sux at singing, but is good at tap dancing.

Surprisingly, it was fairly enjoyable. I like to be entertained, and the movie certainly had elements that entertained me. Chief among those was the gang of 5 smaller, mexican, penguins, which were egotistical and talked mad trash the whole movie. While this may not seem too endearing, well, you’re wrong if you don’t think it is. Cause it was awesome.

Anyway, the movies theme centered around two themes: accepting those that are different from you, and… STOP PWNING THE OCEANS OF FISH SO HARD, HUMANS. Seriously. A large part of the movie focused on how humans are over-fishing all the fish at the south pole, leading to the penguins food supply being pinched heavily. What’s funny about this is that while I had read articles about the massive over-fishing of the oceans of the world, I hadn’t really ever cared. This movie at least made me consider the alternatives of buying sustainably harvested fish from now on. Mission accomplished, Happy Feet

The movie is alot of fun, and has a lot of singing in it (as that’s what penguins do). I recommend it.

FL: You save…$723,427.01? Amazon pulls out all the stops, and offers 99.9% (rounded to 100%) off these incredible 6-digit batteries. Buy here!!!11

Phrase 1 – MOG

The underdog in this whole event, MOG is a relatively unknown acronym-pronounced-as-word. It stands for “Mall of Georgia”, which we live quite near to. It’s a great acronym, being as spelling the word out is a massive 4 syllables, and saying MOG is a quick 1. So next time you want to goto the mall of Georgia, just say instead that you, “wanna hit the MOG.”

note: it doesn’t help that this acronym is a character in the popular Final Fantasy series of games. Alas.

Phrase 2 – Internet Acronyms of all sorts

This one is leet++. In my life, perhaps on accident, I have started incorporating acronyms used in Internet instant messaging and chat rooms into my grammar. Examples.

No Problem – I say np, pronounced “nee-pee.”

Be right back – I say brb, obviously “bee are bee.”

laughing out loud – I say lol, “ell oh ell”… which is especially ironic because by saying “ell-oh-ell”, I’m not actually laughing out loud at all. Awesome.

Phrase 3 – Internets

Given good ole Ted Stevens beliefs about sending Internets, I have embraced the word “Internets” as a full-time replacement for every usage of the word “Internet.” Something about making it plural makes me giggle.

FL: Need a kidney? – Randon Iranians will HOOK THAT UP.

SAVE 20% OFF THIS WEEKEND ONLY. HUGE SAVINGS ON 100′S OF ITEMS.

The word “save” in this sentence is somewhat convoluted. Let’s do some quick maths.

Let’s say that we’re going to a store, and going shopping, not really for anything in particular. There’s a pair of jeans, and they are really nice, and we like em. We didn’t come looking for jeans, we don’t really *need* jeans (i.e. we have plenty of clothes at home already), but hey, they’re nice.

These jeans happen to cost 39.99. Ouch. 40 bones. But behold, there’s a 40% special on these jeans. Holy crap. How could we possibly not buy them?! That’s an incredible amount of savings that’s hard to beat. With that savings, the price is a mere: $39.99 * 0.60 = 23.99. OMG.

So we rush up to the cash register, and gush with excitement at the massive savings we’re racking up. We pay our 23.99 *1.06 [tax] = 25.43 and happily walk out of the store, blown away at all this money saved.

Let’s look at this in a different light. Let’s consider that we don’t really need jeans (I chose jeans because it’s an easy target, clothing stores love SLASHING prices because they have ridiculous margins to start with, so they can make it appear as if they’re giving the clothes away when in fact they are still making a respectable profit)… and as such I don’t buy them. What’s my savings then? Well, my savings is $25.43. An incredible 100% savings off the original retail price.

Don’t get me wrong. Plenty of times, a large number of times, it makes perfect sense to go ahead and buy whatever item is under consideration… the problem I have is that the marketing-speak that says you’re saving ’60 PERCENT OFF’ is a foolish line, and has been handcrafted to make you feel like you’re getting the greatest deal in the history of all that is life… when in fact they quite possibly could be throwing you further in debt, or further away from a place where sacrificial giving is possible.

Rant off.

FL: Motorola’s new ‘dumb’ phone – They’re making a phone that doesn’t have a camera or internets… it’s just a phone. Sign me up.

It occurs to me that many of didn’t take an extensive amount of financial-type classes in high school or college, so for the ones of you who did, bear with me… it’s to the shame of America’s high schools this isn’t taught as required cousework.

The Time Value of Money

First, a tutorial on the time value of money…basically, money is never more useful than it is right this moment. If I want to buy something, and I want it right now, you loaning me the money tomorrow or next year is going to be worth less to me, because I have to sit around and wait. If it’s a business opportunity I’m waiting on, I could be missing out on a major chance for making some cash.

So, in an effort to quantify this fact that money is worth so much more to me now than a year from now, interest rates exist to put a definitive value on the difference in value of a dollar loaned right now, versus a dollar loaned a year from now.

Interest: One Year

A year?, you may say.. what could possibly happen in a year… how could my dollar possibly be worth alot more than it is now a year from now? And you’re right. It’s not much. In fact, given the current yield (another word for rate of return/interest rate) on one-year CD’s (certificate of deposit, a generally safe loan to a bank, which allows them usage to your money for the term [in this case 1 yr], at which the end of they pay you back the original amount plus interest)… if you invested $5 in a CD [at 5%] right now, they’d pay you back $5.25 a year from now.

25 cents?! a quarter?! Big blippin deal.

Compound Interest

That’s where the automagical part comes in. You see, over a year, this is no big deal. It’s easy to calculate, it’s definitely not alot of money. But alot of you are young, most of you are under the age of 30. Which means you have a long time (20 to 40 years, depending on circumstances) before any major expenditures for college for children or retirement for yourselves.

Compound interest works by taking your 5$, investing it over a long time frame, and re-investing all proceeds from each year or month’s interest back in to that original $5 (called the principal). So, given the above example, if you invested 5$, allowing it to compound for 30 years instead of one, at 8% rate of return (yeah, it’s higher. It’s also a realistic average over a 40 year time frame, assuming the world doesn’t fall apart), re-investing the interest back in to the investment each money you’d have…

$54.68 in the year 2036. If you let it sit till 2046 (40 years), it’d be $121.37.

A Practical Approach

Let’s try something alittle more practical. Let’s pretend we’re talking your retirement savings, and you invest 150$ each month for you and your spouse in to some form of retirement account, let’s say a Roth IRA to keep taxes out of this (a Roth IRA is not taxed when you pull the money out in retirement). You, being 25, expect to work till around 65, and will contribute a total of 300 a month, or 3600 a year for your family till that age.

Let’s also consider inflation averaging around 3%, and you’ll earn a return of 9%, because you’re leet. This leaves us with an adjusted return of 6%.

Principal: 0
Annual Addition: 3600
Years to grow: 40
Interest rate: 6%
Compound interest: 12 times(s) annually.

Future amount, in 2046: $600,434.46. (keep in mind, since the interest rate was adjusted for inflation, that means that 600k would buy exactly the same amount of stuff that 600k would buy right now.)

If we bump the interest rate to 7%, you’ve got 792,000, up to 8%, 1,054,000, 9%… 1,415,000.

Expontential Wierdness

The blessing and curse of compound interest is that its expontential. Small changes in the interest rate (going from 6% to 9%, only 3%, or a 50% increase) resulted in a massive difference of $814,566 (600,434 -> 1,415,000, a percentage increase of 135%!!1). If you wanted to have 1,415,000 at the end of 40 years at 6% return, you’d have to change your original investment of $300/month (3600$ annually) up to $708.33/month ($8500 annually). Crap.

Summary

1. Every month (or year, or day, whatever timeframe you like) saving is delayed results in a massive difference of the final sum, way more than it would seem due to the exponentiality of compound interest.

2. Because of #1, setting realistic goals and budgetting appropriately for long-term savings is a high priority.

3. While this post may seem to be based in greed and how to get lots and lots of money, temper everything you see here with this post.

FL: How To (actually) Dismantle an Atomic Bomb – step-by-step instructions, with pictures!!1 Provided courtesy of Jason.

It takes a certain knack of knowing how to maximize out-of-context-ed-ness… but the best make it leet. Here’s the ones I found the most endearing.

Sleepless in Seatle – Recut as a horror flick
Scarface – ‘How Scarface Got His Groove Back’
The Shining – Remixed to a family drama
The Matrix – Oh noes. Now its a romantic drama
Office Space – thriller of the year.
Garden State – psychological murder mystery
The Ten Commandments – PERSONAL FAVORITE. giggle at this one every time. feel-good comedy
School of Rock – psychological horror/thriller
Citizen Kane – Tha Remix… how he becomes the biggest hustla in town.

You don’t get a funny link this post. You get 8 of them. booya.

Today’s funny link!

It’s a shoulder bag, made of floppy disks. I could totally pull one of these off, I think the goal would be to use floppys that weren’t just grey or black, but perhaps some more exciting colors.

Instructions on constructing this thing are in the FL, and it looks to be a decent design, if not a tad on the fragile side (would certainly have to line the inside with duct tape or something else, wouldn’t be able to hold much weight and probably wouldn’t hold its form too well.