Man Points

Sometimes, much to the chagrin of my wife (why do I say much to the chagrin of my wife? Because whenever we’re around Josh Brown 1 [again, not the one w/ the blog] and Jeremy [also a different Jeremy than has the blog I link], she feels the need to point out every incident where I would be subject to losing man points), I actually do earn man points.

For the uninformed, man points are a way to numerically designate how manly or un-manly a given action is. For example: being able to fix anything that required some amount of tinkering or knowledge will generally earn you man points. Eating a salad (and only a salad) for dinner will generally lose you man points.

Anyway, back to my tale. This weekend, my whole immediate family came down to visit, and the night they arrived, all but one of Heather’s immediate family came by for dinner and to chill for the evening. All in all, we had about 11 people occupying our approximately 800 sq. ft. house. Party over here. (spinach dip. real hot chicks. spike the punch, and take a sip!)

As such, we needed food, and alot of it. So I decided I would wield my trusty tongs and whatnot and attempt to assault the charcoal grill.

Here’s where the man points start to come in to play, so pay attention:

First of all, I was cooking meat. Raw meat. + 5 man points.

I was using charcoal, which is much more of a hassle, but it involves creating fire. +3 man points.

I had to clean the grill, from the last time I used it. -1 man points for laziness.

I used a copper wool sponge to scrub it clean, which doesn’t sound as cool as steel wool, is still right up there. + 5 man points.

This where the story has a tragic plot twist that ruins this whole massive accumulation of man points… to clean this mess, I had to use this:

Yeah, you read it right. GREEN TEA and CORIANDER dish soap. While not particularly harmful to man points in nature on their own, when combined… a massive -10 man points.

I started off so well… and ended up with a measly 2 man points. Give me a break.

raw meat +5
making fire +3
lazy -1
copper wool use +5
green tea and coriander dish soap -10
—————-
2 man points

FL: If anyone wants to buy me this, that’s fine. Best bluetooth earpiece Evar.