Oink. Oink. Oink.

As my astute wife pointed out, I neglected the one of the funniest things we saw this weekend.

As we approached the house my parents lived in, about 5 miles away, we were driving through a neighborhood, and there was a guy out there, probably in his 30′s, w/ his shirt off, wandering around the front yard of his nicely-kept suburban yard. This like many other suburbs, had rows and rows of houses, all with nicely kept grass, etc, etc.

The part that was mentally jarring was the fact that the man was walking around his yard, with something comparable to this (best pic I could find online):

That’s right, an incredible pig. The pig was probably about 4 feet long, maybe 2.5 feet around. It was a dark brown color, no hair, so it was kind of shiny.

So we start slowing down, perplexed by this odd… conversation piece in the middle of suburbia. I roll my window down, and yell, “dude, that’s AWESOME. What’s his name?”

Our intrepid hero, replies back, “Wilton.”

I got owned. He named his huge pig Wilton. I guess thats a good pig name, you can’t really name a pig something like Fluffy, or Tootsie.

Meanwhile, the car in front of us pulls off to the side of the road, and the driver gets out. [the following description is for the benefit of the reader to understand the power and compelling nature of having a giant pig in suburbia, not as a way to say I was checking her out, per se] Out pops a 20-something little girl, decently pretty/cute, and starts exclaiming about how much she is amazed by the pig.

So Heather and I roll on at this point so he can get his mac on, and I roll the window up, and say, “heather! that redneck guy is picking up chicks with his pig! hes using a pig named Wilton to pick up chicks!!! I’m so impressed.”

I’m not sure Heather was quite as excited about the pig as I. She was likely just glad to be 5 minutes from our destination.

Looking back, I gotta give the pig’s owner mad props. Given the relative attractiveness of the guy and the girl, I’m fairly certain a huge pig is the cheapest way for a guy of his attractiveness to get a girl to pull over and approach him. Smart man.

One final note: He probably calls the pig “chick magnet”, but to strangers, he calls it “Wilton.”

FL: Some lesser known laws of physics – Here’s an example, that is most likely true:

Law of Rugs and Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jam Sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.