Internet Whoring!!!!!11

Oooh, there’s a word we don’t use too often on FFOS. Internet! Just kidding. I mean… whores!

Since I’m a state-sanctioned phrasiologist, I’ve decided to use alittle more formal framework for the new-to-some-of-you phrase, Internet Whoring.

Definition and Description

You see, at some point in the last two years, this technique developed as a way for a person without an access to a computer who needed some important piece of information (phone number, address, directions, something from email) called one of their friends and had that friend look it up for them on the Internet.

Basically, if you need something looked up, you call your friends you know are most likely to be at a computer (read: me) and willing to look it for you.

In keeping in line with this lovely sexual metaphor, occasionally the person needing info is referred to as the “Internet Pimp”, but this term is by no means universal.

Participants

Let’s review Eric’s network of internetwhores, and those who internetwhore Eric.

Internet Whores – Here’s who I call, in the order that I call them [based on likelihood they will answer the phone at a random time, and have internet access at the moment.]

Brad
Mr. d10
Adam
Jason
Heather – it only happened once. honestly. for serious-ly.

Those who Internet Whore me – What can I say. My likelihood to answer the phone and likelihood to be near a computer are way too high.

Brad
Both d10′s
Adam
Jason
Shane
Emma
Adam’s wife, Jessica
my mom.

Yes, I said my mom. It happened once, I think she just knew I would be near a computer, and wasn’t quite aware what she was doing was Internet Whoring me. It was wierd.

Usage

Next time you’re in the car or somewhere else without convienient Intarnets access, call your closest friends (or, if I’m not one of those, call me), and utter this key, golden phrase:

Hey ____, are you near a computer?

This phrase is clutch. It makes it clear to both parties that what is about to transpire is an Internet Whoring. Saying anything else is a severe faux pas at best, and a severe breach of trust of the Internet Whoring brotherhood/sisterhood at worst.

From there, you direct the InternetWhore to your preferred site, or have them google it as need be.

Editor’s Note

I’d like to let the record stand, that typically when I Internet Whore, I call the people listed above in the order I stated above (Brad, d10, Adam, Jason). This is interesting, because to-date, I have never successfully internetwhored Adam. Amazingly, when I need something online, it’s like he knows to screen my call then. Curiously, I’ve looked things up for him several times. This makes him the one true Internet Pimp, always receiving, never having to give. Let’s give this man a round of applause.

One other thing, no, you can’t have Brad’s cell number. He’s my Internet Whore.

TimeSnapper – from the site:

“What is it?
TimeSnapper is an Automatic Screenshot Journal
It runs in the background of your computer, taking screenshots of your desktop every few seconds all week long. ”

Yeah, no idea. could be cool, I guess.