Ima phrasiologist and stuff.

A what? A phrasiologist! You know, someone who studies phrases. Or makes them up, or something.

Here’s one of my current favorites:

What the keys!

This phrase is near and dear to my heart. The action that accompanies it was first used in a Publix, as described in this now-legendary post: Things that make you guy… whaa?

Anyway, “what the keys” was first developed by myself and my house church companions, whom I love dearly.

I shall now attempt, in picture form to explain “what the keys!”

Emotion it conveys: Extreme distress, such that you can’t even talk you’re so confused or verklempt about something.

Tone you say it in: The same tone you might say “What the hell?!” or perhaps a more extreme version of the same phrase.

Usage:

Step One
Find something that upsets you enough to follow through with this, say, “What the keys!”, kinda with this sort of angst on your face:

Given what follows, its important to ensure that you have everyone in your immediate vicinity’s attention before proceeding.

Step Two
Locate your keys, and prepare to launch them into the air. You want to throw in a gentle arc, with the keys landing on the floor perhaps 2 to 3 feet from your feet. See here:

Step Three
Throw keys. Watch as they fly. Fly keys, fly.

Step Four
Watch the keys in their resting place. Reflect on whatever caused this outburst, perhaps giggle if the situation is appropriate.

FL: Lego Pinball Table – pretty much exactly what it says it is.