Would you rather… (or, overheard in gmail chat five).

Over the last week, I’ve been using my gmail status message (where you might put “Away” or “At Lunch” or “Unconscious”) as a means to ask the hard questions in life. Here’s an example of what it would look like:

The most observant and intrepid FFOS readers will recognize that headshot of me as the one used in the now famous piece of art, “Gangster Posed in Front of Pimp Camry”

At first I asked generalized questions, but those are hard to come up with, day after day, so I switched to “Would you rather” questions. They typically involve some sort of conundrum where the answerer will have to choose between two horribly bad propositions, or be able to choose a mildly cool superpower, much like the two listed in the image above.

In any case, my subjects, err, friends, have provided me with many varied answers. If you’re on gmail, and you want in on this fun game, drop me a line, and I’ll add you right up.

Enough babbling. On with the responses!

Eric asked: If you were a breakfast pastry, what type of pastry would you be, and why?
Anna: I’d be a scone. A little rough around the edges, so as not to be battered and walked all over, but oh-so-tender on the inside. And crazy delicious. And of course, covered in sugar. I think I’d lick myself all day.
Eric: dude
lol
Anna: what, I like to lick myself?
I would
wouldn’t you?
Eric: specifically, yes, that was the part I was referring to
well
do scones have tongues
or at minimum, lips
Anna: if i were a scone i would
it would be indicitive in me being a pastry
wait
not indicitive
more like a requirement
if i have to be a pastry, i want a tongue so i can lick myself
Eric: I guess thats a fair compromise
in some odd way/sense of the word

Eric asked: Would you rather fight Mike Tyson… or talk like him?
Jason A.: tough question
Eric: thats how I roll
Jason A.: man i dunno
if i fight him i could just have a broken jaw for a while but talking like him is forever
Eric: its true
Jason A.: unless he knox you out and then thats forever too
I wonder what Mr. T would say
me: for serious
Jason A.: wwmtd?
“I pity the fool who talks like Mike Tyson”

Notice Jason never actually answers the question, making it the perfect “would you rather…” question. Two drastically different options, with totally different outcomes, and someone can’t decide between them. It is deh le magnifique.

And finally, since Emmuh just loves to be the FFOS celebrity, she shall once again make a guest appearance on teh blog:

Eric asked: Would you rather be able to expedite the arrival of an elevator by pressing the button multiple times OR have the ability to sound incredibly natural and sincere on answering machines?
Emma: elevator. hands down. i sound sexy on answering machines already

I can always count on Emma to help me finish these type of posts strong. Thanks, emmuh.

FL: Improv Everywhere Mission: Best Buy – Another improv group gets 80 ish people to show up dressed like Best Buy employees (royal blue shirt/khakis) and then just go and stand around the store, because, like, its funny.