So I almost died this morning…
As I was making my toast (using crappy Publix brand grape jam), I looked out the window over the sink, and saw one of these…
[for those of you who don't go outside, that's a raccoon. Except the one I saw was muuuch bigger than this]
Anyway, back to my near-death experience. So when I saw this giant beast, I almost went outside and messed with it, and it almost viciously attacked me, which almost left me within an inch of my life (which is kind of a funny phrase, as it implies that my life could be measured on a ruler. I wonder how many inches currently I am “within my life” at the moment?)
I called the dear wife, relaying this information to her, and noting to her that if she saw a headline on the news that read, “MAN TAUNTS RACCOON, HOSPITALIZED”, that she should probably call the local hospitals, cause that guy probably needs help.
When this miraculous chain of events was relayed to superfriend Emma, here’s what she lovingly had to say:
Emma: you didn’t go outside though. so you didn’t even come close to thinking about dying. and considering the percentage of rabbied raccoons, you were probably safe anyway. but nice, drama queen
I don’t think “rabbied” is a word.
FL: Meh… this one is okay, some of you may enjoy it though: What Would Jesus Drive?
Yeah, I think it’s “rabid.” But “rabbied” sounds much more scary. And you are a drama queen, but more in the sense that you imagine drama or think of ways to have drama. It usually doesn’t happen to you for real, or you don’t follow through with supposed brave/scary tactics. Most drama queens actually create the drama, but you are satisfied with the imagined experience of the drama, not the real deal.
So, I would call you a virtual drama queen.
yeah, you pretty much just like to sit back and watch everybody else’s drama. :)
a raccoon weighing 18 pounds attacked my 90 pound collie in the middle of the day. the fact that it attacked my dog and was not sleeping in the middle of the day was enough so suspect old yellar’s demise, and warranted the use of my pellet gun (discharging a firearm in athens-clarke county is illegal, though i could have called it self-defense cause the animal was definitely a threat). after climbing trees and jumping out of them from about 40 feet (raccoons bounce), and 18 shots and lots of pumping later it breathed it’s last breath. we had to quarantine my dog, just like in old yellar, except we didn’t have a corn crib and i didn’t have to shoot my dog. staying inside was the smart thing, you might wanna get animal control out there to trap it.