pirates versus ninjas.
I have developed a new little mini-game in life. I call it “pirates versus ninjas.” The rules are very simple, you walk up to someone you know, someone you know as well as a spouse or as not well as an acquaintance, and ask them, “who wins, pirates or ninjas?” When they select one of them, ask them, “why?”
The range of responses you get is amazing. Let me share with you some responses. All of what follows are discussions I’ve had at work or on gmail chat:
me: who wins
pirates or ninjas
Brad: I would have to say ninjas
but pirates are infintely more cool in my boook
pirates have no skills, just burly ruthless guys
ninjas have finess
me: so it comes down to skills
Brad: right
me: who wins in a fight emma
pirates or ninjas
Emma: ah. pirates, hands down. ninjas think they can win, but pirates are meaner.
me: so its about motivation
pirates meanness motivates them to win, where ninjas are too proud to understand it
Emma: indeed
me: got it
me: Ted, quick, who wins, pirates or ninjas
Ted: [no hesitation] pirates.
me: why?
Ted: pirates have no honor, so they cheat to win
me: dave
important question
who wins: pirates or ninjas
David: ninjas, they dodge crap
me: so its about agility
David: mostly, if you can’t hit it, you can’t hurt it
plus, they got those star things
me: good call, thanks
me: Andrew, who wins, pirates or ninjas?
Andrew: ninjas
me: why?
Andrew: because they sneak up on the pirates and kill them
me:gotcha
[this one was over email]
me: by the way, who wins, pirates or ninjas
[email in reply]
Heather: not sure who wins, but I still like ninjas cleaner-ness better………
me: adam
who wins
pirates
or
ninjas
Adam: ninjas all the way
me: why
Adam: cause they have mad ninja skills yo
me: such as
Adam: and those chinese star thingies, so they have kill from a distance
what are pirates going to use to kill from a distance? bad breath?
me: cannonballs
Adam: you didn’t say on a ship, I was assuming hand to hand
me: I made no assumptions in the question
it was as objective as possible
Adam: don’t ninjas have explosives too?
me: I was just portraying pirates for the capabilities they have
Adam: I still vote ninjas
me: japan is on the coast though
that whole island gig
Adam: still voting ninjas, that have cooler swords
and outfits
me: k
Josh Brown 2: heyhey
me: hey man
quick question
who wins: pirates or ninjas
Brown: depends
what type of accesories they’re packing
its tough for me to be non partial, because i consider myself both
me: well
assume the pirates got together and sent in their best crew and the ninjas got together in the dojo and sent their best
who walks away fro the conflict
Brown: pirates got cannons?
me: historically, yes
Brown: is this a land battle or a sea
you see how complicated this is
me: I can’t comment on such matters
you’re gonna have to use your judgement
Brown: i really can’t, i consider both to be of equal strength and it would depend on the whole context weapons, terrain, etc
me: well, you can’t take place in this historic, groundbreaking study without a clear winner
Brown: land or sea
that is the kicker
me: the coast
the battle is on the coast
Brown: how far off the shore line
me: its a monumental battle, so the majority of the fighting is on the shore, with a pirate ship anchored 200 yd’s off coast and a ninja dojo 200 yds from the shore in play as well obviously the ninjas want to disable the ship, and the pirates want to destroy the dojo
Brown: damn you
me: I don’t take these issues lightly, I want to be intellectually honest
Brown: i’d have to take the pirates for the simple reason that they have canons to bomb the dojo and the ninjas are helpless unless they move ashore. techinically the pirates could win without even leaving the ship
but again, my decision is highly contextual
I sent Robert the transcript of jb2 and I’s discussion on pirates/ninjas, and he added to the debate:
me: ROB
who wins
pirates or ninjas
Robert: tough call
circumstances?
me: well
let me send you some background info
Robert: you all have forgotten the x factor
pirates = crazy
me: whatever
ninjas are crazy, they have that cold, calm, collected crazy factor
Robert: crazy beats fast/strong/smart/silent any day
no ninjas are all controled and trained
pirates are wild men
crazed
i stand firm with personally valid evidence
me: you have evidence?
please, share
Robert: well i have seen/been in my share of fights
i dont care how big the guy is
crazy always wins
Ben, wanting to add to the discussion, throws his borderline angst-filled comments:
me: finished the ninja pirate discussion
blog post
Ben: i’m just unsettled that among the general population people are not more wise to the fact that ninjas own anybody
me: well
as you’ll see
the people who actually come up w/ reasoned arguments
end up on the side of pirates
snap judgement = ninja
reasoned thoughtfulness = pirate
Ben: well, i guess we’ll see
but pirates are generally fat and slow
me: you’re a ninja man, ben
of course you can’t see the lights of pirate
Ben: so where do you fall?
me: I refrain from judgment one way or the other, it may bias the study
Ben: = load of crap
me: lol
fine
pirates
at the end of the day
the pirates will either kill the ninjas, or all of them (all the ninjas/all the pirates) will die at once
which means the pirates win, or its a tie, so the sum of that = pirates
Ben: have you considered that muzzle-loading revolvers have terrible aim?
me: you don’t need good aim when you have cannons
Ben: and the extended breathing of gunpowder can’t be good for cognitive exploits plus, ninjas play Go all the freaking time - they’re ninja masters of game theory
me: here’s what it comes down to for me:
[at this point I forward the discussions with Rob about pirate craziness to Ben]
Ben: as such, full on pirate ninja combat is the exact type of non-cooperative game exhibited in Go
me: just read the pastededed ness
Ben: okay sure
but that’s just an opinion
me: he has evidence!
Ben: oh right, i’m sure he published that in the american psychology journal of combat cognizance
me: well thats better than your evidence
Ben: there has to be a movie out there that can shed some hard light on this issue
me: the problem is
pirates or ninjas are always the bad guys
so they always end up getting owned, and never end up fighting each other
that said
the quintessential pirates > ninjas scene is
Indiana jones, first movie
harrison ford is chasing some guys through an arabian city
a guy with these two huge swords jumps in the path, and starts waving swords
harrison ford pulls out a gun and shoots him in the chest
movie continutes
Ben: that guy is not a ninja
he’s a ridiculous egyptian guy
me: lol
Ben: who picked up a sword at the dollar store
me: the dollar store has swords? sweet brb
Ben: if he had been a ninja, they wouldn’t have made the movie because a movie sucks when the main character gets killed 20 minutes in, which is what would happen… it would be what we call a “short”
on the other hand, pirates have an advantage when it comes to biological weaponry, namely the distribution and spread of scurvy among their foes
me: lol
Ben: some more thoughts
:
pirates are motivated by greed for buried treasure. ninjas are motivated by blood.
bloodlust trumps greed
And then, by far, my personal favorite… this is a discussion between an employee where we work, and this crazy old guy that wanders into the store occasionally:
Andrew: who wins, John, pirates or ninjas?
John: indians
pwned!!1
So there you have it folks. I’m working on a theory that you can predict much about a person based on how they answer that age-old, simple question: “who wins: pirates or ninjas?”. Look for it in coming weeks.
Now then, I expect a spirited discussion of this topic, as all these conversations have been one on one, so no true debate can really take place. Comments ahoy!
Funny link: A magazine interviews askjeeves.com - kinda odd.
Pirates forever. At the end of the day, here’s what it comes down to for me: pirates live on their ship. They only come off their ship for buried treasure. Ninjas don’t have buried treasure, therefore, in the presence of a ninja threat, pirates will remain on their ships.
It follows, therefore, that if they fight (and they will), it will be a sea battle, cannons > throwing stars, pirates win.
I do have to take into consideration the comments of the renowned philosopher known as ROB, that crazy does in fact usually win. However, that said, ninjas have a craziness all their own. Pirates are more of a “drunk, pick a fight in a bar kinda crazy”, while ninjas are more of a, “sure, I can fight all 50 guys by myself” kinda crazy. The quesiton you have to ask yourself is, which crazy is more dangerous and therefore more likely to win? I submit to you that the ninja’s craziness is more dangerous and therefore more deadly. I welcome your objections…
You guys are forgetting one major issue: Pirates have HOOKS. At the end of the day, when pirates and ninjas fight, even in hand-to-hand combat pirates will win. They can’t drop their weapon! Its obvious that pirates have distance over-powerment with their cannon power, combat power with their hooks and scurvy and extreme uncleanliness. Ninjas wouldn’t even bother fighting priates because they could’t stand the stink. Pirates are foul-smelling, hook-handed creatures. They win, HOOKS DOWN!
What Adam calls Ninja craziness, I would call ninja pride. 1 Ninja vs 50 doods doesn’t = craziness, it = a ninja who thinks hes 50x better than each of those doods. This same prides will lead to the undoing of the ninjas when it comes to an actually even battle.
pirates > ninjas
ninjas. ninjas. ninjas.
ninjas.
one words: stealth.
the pirates never even see the ninjas coming.
being a ninja, i can tell you from experience that
we go through years of training just to never be seen.
while the pirates are sitting around singing and drinking,
we (the ninjas) are right outside
waiting for the perfect moment to pounce.
two ninjas could easily take out an entire ship of pirates.
all we need is some scuba gear and our own two hands.
possibly only one hand,
depending on how long the pirates have been drinking.
K1|_|_3|2 C0d1|\|g N1nj4s d0 3×1st. Nijas all the way. Pirates are lame.
Although those little pistols the pirates have could do some damage, but thats what smoke bombs are for. The ships are a tactical advantage, but a ninja’s forte is using his opponents environment against him. Im thinking they dress up in woodgrain colored suits, that or they sneak on dressed up as pirates then break bad on pirate hizzy.
Word: Own3d!11
“Im thinking they dress up in woodgrain colored suits”
Is this the best the ninja-supporting community can offer? Seriously guys.
Where would you even get such a thing?
ok, if you are going to hate on the ninja lovers it’s time for me to take another shot. I love emma, but her comment on pirates being better because they have hooks is not a great argument. First off, most pirates to not have hooks due to the fact that they couldn’t raise the sails one handed and whatnot. Second, a hook is not a good fighting weapon due to it’s stationary nature. A good weapon must be mobile, a hook is not. Next, ninja craziness/pride, symantics, it’s all the same. It would take someone with a serious screw loose to take on 50 guys at once. And, the point has been raised that pirates will fight dirty, but who’s to say that ninjas won’t? I’ve seen some dirty ninja fighting my time. They are faster, meaner, crazier and more skilled. The pirates wouldn’t know what hit em…
As a ninja myself, Casey had the best point. Ninjas wouldn’t go against pirates in a full on battle. First of all, the pirates would never be able to find ninjas. If he could, they’re not real ninjas! And even if they could find actual ninjas, then the ninjas would escape and regroup in secret and find a time when the pirates were most vulnerable. The pirates may not fight fair in the fact that they use their hooks to castrate people, but a ninja has no concept of a fair fight. He would study the pirates and find a way to sneak on their ship and sink it while they were asleep or kill the captain in his sleep or somehow find a way to sow dissent on the ship.
ninjas > pirates
And in a hand to hand combat, crazy wins if the other person is not a trained martial artist. I mean, come on, as a trained martial artist (i.e. ninja!) I would pay the other guy money to rush me in a crazed fit. My only problem would be to quickly decide which way to dismember him. But as a trained martial artist, that quick decision making is a natural skill.
But let’s be clear. Ninjas only fight when they know they can win. And they only put themselves in situations where escape is quick and easy.
And your funny link should have been something to do with Ask a Ninja. One of the funniest video series in the world. Its on my ipod! Google it and laugh out loud.
Peace (unless you’re a pirate)
i just want to give mad props to my fellow ninja britt.
with an arguement like that, how can you disagree?
i honestly think this is the dumbest quetion in the world because it’s not even a close contest…
ninjas are far superior to pirates in every way.
the only thing i can figure is that the people voting for pirates have never actually seen a real ninja in action…which is not hard to believe because we work so quick…we’re in and out…
the battles you have seen with “ninjas” were most likely not real ninjas at all…because of the fact that you SAW them. ninjas are too awesome to be caught in the act.
suck it, trebek.
Let’s make a comparison chart of the weapons of mass destruction for both sides, and see who wins:
Pirates Ninjas
1) Bad teeth 1) No facial expressions
2) Bandanas 2) Masks
3) Parrots 3) Stars
4) Peglegs 4) Swingkicks
5) Hooks 5) Bare hands
6) Body odor 6) Asian food odor
7) Peasant shirts 7) black belts
8) Bad breath 8 ) breathing is optional
9) Guns 9) swords
10) canons 10) Stealth
11) “Arrr…” 11) Silence
12) Rage 12) Skill
13) Seaworthiness 13) Seasickness/vomit
14) Scurvy 14) bird flu
15) Whiskey 15) Saki
This is a toughie, but I must say I’d be more afraid of pirates. Since they have a higher fear factor for me, I side with the Mates.
wow, after all that discussion, I don’t need to argue my point anymore. you all did it for me. thanks!!!
ninjas, baby, ninjas.
see? I told you!
:p
So…
I polled the cast of CATS and the overwhelming answer was…
NINJAS!
The main point brought up was that pirates tend to stay in their “cups”…they’re drunk for a lot of the time:)
[...] What we giggled at this week: No doubt about it: pirates vs. ninjas. Despite the apparent victory of the pirate way, deviant ninja sympathizers attempted to hijack the comments. We can do nothing but pray for their dirty ninja souls. [...]
ninjas
the people who say pirates make me sick
I am sorry for all you pirate lovers and I am apalled that no one has mentioned this before for ninja support. Everyone has forgotten that Chuck Norris is a World Champion Ninja. No pirate can take Chuck Norris ever. Chuck Norris clinches the ninja victory